


grow but never die

by Drhair76



Category: Cobra Kai (Web Series)
Genre: Asexual Character, Coming Out, Fluff, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:07:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28278129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drhair76/pseuds/Drhair76
Summary: “I don’t want to kiss anyone. I’m ace.”Johnny squints, quiet for a moment. “Yeah kid, you are an ace- what the fuck does that have to do with kissing?”or, Miguel comes out as asexual to his sensei- it goes just about as expected.
Relationships: Miguel Diaz & Johnny Lawrence
Comments: 10
Kudos: 95





	grow but never die

**Author's Note:**

> the father son relationship in this stupid karate show makes my brain go BRRRRR
> 
> tw for casual acephobia bc Johnny is ignorant as per usual 🙄 but he gets his shit together dw <3

Miguel can't stop fidgeting. 

He knows that it drives sensei insane because he was like this back when he first started. Clumsy, unsure of himself, all this energy and nowhere for it to go. This is like a million steps backward if they're talking metaphors- which, maybe they shouldn't because Miguel has not been paying attention in english. 

But no. That's not the point. He's not here to talk to sensei about his english grade- (though if he wants to avoid having to talk to his mom about it, he could probably have sensei mention it to soften the blow-) 

No. He's got bigger fish to fry. 

"Miguel, either speak or go twenty rounds with a dummy. You're moving like you inhaled three cups of coffee." Johnny says, not looking up from where he's shifting through bills. 

Miguel's mouth opens, then closes, then opens again. He's not sure how to do this- it was easier with Aisha- lower stakes, he guesses. She's softer around the edges. No less tough, but Miguel knew her when her hands shook and something about that vulnerability eases him. 

Because Miguel was like her once; where terror was lurking around every corner and every time he fell it meant sudden death. They had that in common- and they built themselves up together. Got made again, this time stronger. When you have that with someone, things like this can stay little. Things like this don't have to mean everything. 

With sensei, everything is always _everything._

Every move is showing his hand, every move is- _are you going to stay? Is this going to continue?_ Because Miguel wouldn't leave. Even when sensei is drunk at twelve in the afternoon and calling him in the middle of class, even when sensei's words are sharp and his eyes are distant. 

Miguel wouldn't leave, and he knows that down to his bones, but he's not too sure about Johnny. Never _completely_ at least. 

"I have something to tell you sensei." He says because he's not a pussy. And he's already here so he can't exactly stop now. 

Johnny looks up, a silent _go ahead._

Miguel shifts again. Johnny's eyes follow the movement pointedly. Miguel stops. 

"I- okay, so you know about my date with Sam later?" He starts. A roundabout way, but a way nonetheless. Johnny nods, grinning a little. 

"Yeah, maybe she's a La'Russo, but you think she's a babe right?" He says, and _of course_ that would be where his head goes- Miguel didn't expect anything different honestly. "As long as you play it a little bit aloof everything should go great. Who knows- maybe you'll even get some action before the night is through."

And there it is. 

Logically, Miguel knows that sensei is only talking about a first date kiss because Johnny knows well enough that Miguel has maybe _one_ move max. But the possibility that he expects more? That Sam might _want_ more? It's enough to send a cold swoop of fear down into Miguel's gut. 

He laughs nervously, subconsciously wrapping his arms around himself. Johnny’s eyes catch the tick and his grin drops subtly. 

“Kid,” He says, one eyebrow raising way, way up. “What’s wrong with you? You’re all...weird right now. You nervous or somethin’? Cause, again, we could go ahead and go twenty rounds- beat those nerves out.” 

Miguel shakes his head. “Uh- no. No, I’m good. I just- there’s something I need to tell you. About the date tonight.” 

“You said that.” And it’s not rude- except that it is. But really, it’s not, because Miguel knows how to read in between the lines. He knows how to see the, _go on, I'm listening,_ that’s stuck in the middle. 

“Well, I don’t think I want to kiss Sam.” He says haltingly. “I mean- I _know_ I don’t want to kiss her.” He pauses, realizing how that sounds, and goes, “I don’t want to kiss anyone. I’m ace.” 

Johnny squints, quiet for a moment. “Yeah kid, you are an ace- what the fuck does that have to do with kissing?” 

Miguel blinks. Thinks _huh?_ Then, _oh_ . Because, yeah, Miguel can’t really expect his sensei to know what that means when he is regularly surprised with _Facebook._ Like. Of all the social media apps to be confused about, Facebook is genuinely the most embarrassing. Miguel's pretty sure that most babies fresh out the _womb_ know how to work it. 

Not that he would ever say that to his sensei’s face though. He doesn’t have a death wish. 

“No, that’s not-” he huffs, “What I’m trying to say is that I’m asexual. I don’t experience sexual attraction to people the way that Hawk or Aisha might. Like when you say a girl is a ‘hot babe’ I don’t really...see it? I don’t understand it.” 

Johnny’s face goes through, like, twelve different expressions of various confusion before landing on gruffly befuddled- or, as Aisha likes to call it, his _I don’t understand and it’s annoying that I can’t just roundhouse this into submission_ face. 

“You sure you just haven’t found your type yet?” He settles, a playful twist to his lips. “You wouldn’t believe it but it took me a second to become the confident chick-magnet that I am today- you’ll get there kid. Trust me.” 

Miguel’s expression shutters. _Fuck_ , he thinks. _Fuck, ow._ Because he knew there was always the possibility of this happening. He knew it when he decided to say anything- hell, even Hawk told him, said, _dude, sensei hardly knew what bisexual meant, he’s not going understand_ \- but Miguel had hope. Stupid, mindless, chest squeezing hope. 

So this? Miguel would rather take one of Robby’s kicks in the chest than anymore of this. 

Sensei must see that because his smile dips. “Hey, kid,” and he reaches out- to do what, Miguel doesn’t know. He stops himself, leaving his arm outstretched, touching air. He seems to know that he did damage even if he doesn’t know how. Or why. Or anything about the situation at all. “Miguel, if you-” 

Miguel shakes his head, cuts Johnny off. “-It’s alright sensei,” he says because he can’t take another hit. Not right now. He’s too vulnerable- all his weak spots wide open, burning under Johnny’s gaze. “You’re right, maybe I’ll- maybe Sam will be it for me.” 

He basically chokes over the words with how much he doesn’t mean them and turns, waving goodbye before he had to say anything else. 

…

Miguel comes back from his date kind of buzzing- like the way that sensei would describe it: as if he inhaled three cups of coffee but in the good way. 

Although, thinking about his sensei hurts in a distant, stomach turning, ache running down your spine, sort of way. So Miguel is okay with not thinking about him for now- or at least until he _has_ to see him at practice on Monday.

Unfortunately for him, Johnny is sitting on the curb outside their apartment complex when he gets home. 

"Sensei-"

"She didn't kiss you did she?" Is the first thing out of his mouth as he clambers to standing. "'Cause if she did I won't hesitate to drop kick a La'Russo, you know that." 

Miguel blinks. He's a little too tired to do much reading in between the lines right now, so he doesn't know what he's _trying_ to say. And he can't see Johnny's expression clearly in the low light so he just tells the truth. 

"No, we had fun." He says, thinking about winning prizes and sharing a slushie with two straws. Thinking about hearing her laugh behind him as he completely misses yet another putt. Thinking about sitting on the grass in the neon lights and saying, _I'm asexual,_ and hearing her go, _cool,_ and having that be the end of it. 

Nothing life altering, nothing world changing- just, _oh yeah? that's cool. hey, let's go do wack-a-mole, I've still got three dollars left-_

"I told her and she was chill about it." And he leaves off the _unlike you_ because his mama taught him not to speak if he doesn't have anything nice to say _,_ but judging from his wince, Johnny seems to hear it anyway. 

It's quiet for a moment, awkward in a way that it hardly ever is between them and Miguel finds himself mourning what they used to have. No doubt everything's changed now. No doubt they'll never get back to where they used to be. 

Which hurt a _lot._ Because Miguel felt like they were building something formidable. Like, whenever Miguel needed somewhere to go, his sensei opened up the dojo and let him wail on the bricks or the blocks and then he'd throw him an ice pack and let him lay out on the mats and stare at the ceiling. He wouldn't even ask what's wrong like his _yaya_ or _mama_ would- he'd just lean against the doorway and give Miguel the space to breath. He just lets Miguel sit in the peace that he's always fucking chasing after. And God that's- 

Miguel's never had anyone do that for him. Never had someone who looks past all the stuff that he is and sees all the things he could be; never had someone who looks past all the things that Miguel wants and sees all the things he _needs._ And then decides to try and give him that. 

Miguel doesn't _want_ anything to change- Miguel doesn't want to lose what he's gotten. But sometimes when bones are broken, there's no mending them. 

But then, Johnny speaks. "I did some research while I was waiting for La'Russo to get off his ass and let us into this tournament-" Miguel opens his mouth, but Johnny beats him to the punch, "which, yes, we're in, Cobra Kai never dies. He's fucking stupid to think otherwise. But-"

And his expression gets weird here- not like anything that Miguel's seen before, not like any of the titled emotions that Aisha references. This is intense, cracked wide open at the base, like sensei left his middle exposed to attack, but on _purpose._

"Miguel," he says, "if you don't think chicks- or dudes- are hot, then that's cool. It's all cool. I mean, I don't get it, but you do, and you're still badass. Hell, this might make you even more badass than before. I just want to make sure you aren't a pussy alright?" 

Miguel blinks. 

Johnny pokes out a finger, jabbing Miguel in the chest. "If you like a girl for her feelings or whatever, then you _better_ make your move. And whatever it is, even if I have to beat a bunch of girls off you, I'll always have your back alright? Always." 

Oh. 

Miguel's  _ not  _ going to start crying. He won't. Because if he does then sensei is going to have to beat his ass into the pavement and Miguel is not focused enough to fight right now. But  _ damn,  _ that means- 

That means fucking everything. 

"Thanks sensei," Miguel manages, voice only shaking a little. "That- that means a lot, thanks." 

Johnny grins and he doesn't hug Miguel like his  _ mama  _ would, but he claps a hand against Miguel's shoulder. Luckily, Miguel is good at reading in between his lines. 

"Now come on," Johnny pushes him up the walkway. "If you don't tell me how this date went I'll make you do extra reps tomorrow." 

And suddenly, just like that, everything slots back into place. If Miguel actually paid attention in english he would probably be writing poems about the warmth in his chest and the way his brain is just-  _ oh, this is acceptance, nice,  _ over and over again _.  _ But he doesn't, so he won't. 

Miguel just rolls his eyes at sensei's empty threat, folds a little into his side, and gears up to recount his mini-golf, mini-game, mini-date with Samatha La'Russo. 

**Author's Note:**

> stan ace miguel for clear skin and good mental health 💫 also follow me on tumblr @ handcoversheart-76


End file.
